i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
