Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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