only if we run a train.
done.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
two words...techno handjob
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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