you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
