My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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