For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
