I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
