I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
