a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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