Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she peed on how many people?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
