that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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