the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
