if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
