If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
