6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
