How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
