just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
