It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
