Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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