Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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