Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
