it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
