I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
