so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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