i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
