Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were trust falling into bushes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
