Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
