Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
