I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
