her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
