do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
