saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
