Bisexual people are plain selfish.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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