You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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