Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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