I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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