You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
