I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
