I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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