Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
