Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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