but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
