so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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