Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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