i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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