farters have to be the big spoon...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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