If i come over, it means nothing
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
