Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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