just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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