i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
