Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
