i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
