This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
