so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
