Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
