I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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