I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
