There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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