i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
